by Oceana & Icarus
We find it amazing to reflect on the situation that couples often find themselves in, of avoiding making love. The actual act of making love is such a pleasurable activity, why are there 365 excuses not to make love in a year?
If you find this happening in your relationship, a simple solution is to consciously plan a time to make love. Even to go as far as both getting out your diaries and setting a time. Some examples:
1) “OK, next Sunday lets have a totally tantric day.” Make a list of activities perhaps starting with a walk together on the beach or in the mountains, brunch, exchange a massage, set a sacred space in your bedroom with incense, fresh flowers, music. Do some soul gazing (eye contact), honouring the love you have for each other. Very slowly moving into a caress…..
2) “Let’s have a 3 hour date in our bedroom next Thursday evening from 7:30pm onwards.” Put the answering machine on and be sure the kids are taken care of. Have a shower together, then dress in sarongs, sit in front of some candles, incense burning, and soft music playing. Do some soul gazing. Synchronize your breathing by doing some Tantric breathing practices together, such as the Heart-Genital Circuit or Prana Mudra (found in the book Jewel In the Lotus). Give each other some verbal appreciations. Slowly move into an embrace….
There are so many things you can do together in lovemaking to bring in a sense of fun and playfulness.
An important issue to be aware of is that both people in a relationship need to take responsibility for lovemaking. If you feel yourself closing down sexually, talk about it. If one person is always the initiator, and they are constantly being rejected, they too will close down.
Communication skills are necessary or the energy in the relationship will stop flowing. Perhaps, go to a café and discuss what problems are being experienced in lovemaking. This takes courage and sensitivity. Be prepared to listen to your partner and take what they are saying into your heart rather than criticising, blaming or judging them.